Tell someone you’re proud of just how proud you are.
I have been sitting for what seems like hours staring at a blank screen. This prompt really should not be that hard to answer. I have so many I am proud of:
My mother, who raised two daughter totally on her own with VERY little.
My sister, who has defied all the odds and is a local ultra running hero here in our small town.
A dear friend, who just recently finished one of the most dangerous sections of the Appalachian Trail.
I could go on and on. However, while I hope this does not seem conceited, the one person I am super proud of at the moment is myself.
Most of my life I have struggled with self worth. I am a confident, exuberant individual, but I have also made some VERY unwise choices that have left me feeling very unworthy of happiness. I know that might not make any sense, but that is just how I am.
Two and half years ago, I had a defining moment. I was working a job I HATED running a school that was sucking the life out of me. After teaching for 15 years, being in Administration was demanding, hard, and completely WRONG for me. One day, I snapped. I just walked out. No good-bye. No notice. No “See y’all later.” I just grabbed a picture frame off my desk, got in my car, and never returned.
NOT my finest moment.
For the next year, I was a mess. My life was just a disaster. I had NO purpose. Teaching is all I knew. Finally a year and half later, I had fallen so low I wanted nothing more then for it all to be over. I remember sitting on my love seat one November evening, begging God just to let it all end. Let ME end.
As I sat there in my mess, suddenly I remember a verse I had read at least a 100000 times.
“For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I PRAISE You because I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are made wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14
God created ME. Not only did he create me He knows ALL about me. He even knows the number of hairs on my head.
At that moment I made a wonderful discovery: My worth is NOT found in my job. It is NOT found in my relationship status. My worth IS found in my Loving God.
Many may not understand. Many scoff or shake their heads. That’s fine. It doesn’t bother me.
Suddenly I had new attitude. A new lease on life. As much as I wanted them, I didn’t have to have all the answers NOW. That’s part of the adventure of life. Discovering things as we go along.
No longer do I muddle through my days. Each day brings new and exciting opportunities. Over the past few years I have attempted and accomplished things I never thought I would let alone could. Freeing myself from societies standards, and living each day to the fullest has made me realize, I am SO worthy of living this life.
I have climbed many mountains, both physical and mental. I have some huge ones to climb. Many tell me I can’t do it. But theirs is not the voice I listen to anymore. I don’t even listen to my own, because I would tell myself I was stupid for even contemplating some of the things I am getting ready to attempt.
Instead I listen to the voice of the Almighty as He tells me:
“You are worth more then many sparrows” Matthew 10:31
So yes, I super proud of me. Proud that I didn’t throw in the towel. Proud that I listened to that still gentle voice. Proud that I belong to a God who loves me and wants me to LIVE life, not waste it. And I am proud that I have accepted challenges. BIG challenges that are only going to make me stronger.
I am happy to now say to myself: