Unanswered Prayers

Isn’t it funny how a song can make you think of something you thought you had forgotten about.

You are casually be bopping through your day… when….

BAM!!!!!

The past comes flying at you.

This happened today as I was listening to the radio and Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks came on the radio.  Suddenly I was transported back in time.

Growing up there was nothing I wanted more then to be a wife and a mother. To be loved, cherished, and provided for. Isn’t that every young girls dream?

Dating was never big for me in high school.  I had lots of friends, but never a boyfriend. All my friends had beaus, dates, and significant others. I was usually the third wheel. I could never figure it out, because let’s face it… I was hot in high school.

My first date came at 16 with a guy from my church. I totally don’t count it. It wasn’t the night to remember that I wanted it to be.  Let’s just say he picked me up in the church van.

In my early 20’s I met the man of my dreams. He was 4 years older, had a great engineering job, and seemed to be everything I wanted.

He wasn’t.

Still I couldn’t get over the loss… WHY? Why didn’t God want me to be happy? Why did it seem everyone else got what I wanted?

Fast forward 10 years and I once again found myself in a relationship that I thought was finally “THE ONE”. It was perfect. Until 6 months later it ended. What was different about this one though, he didn’t go anywhere. We actually remained close and have ended up being the best of friends. Strange I know.

For so long I have begged and begged God for love. I thought He had forgotten about me. My bitterness and anger kept me isolated from any happiness.  I felt doomed.

Then one day I was in the middle of dinner with some friends and I realized what a complete and wonderful life I had. No longer was I obsessed with fining a mate. I didn’t sit at home and wait for someone to call. Being alone didn’t keep me from living.

I am not quite sure when the transformation took place, but I was no longer that poor little girl looking for love in all the wrong places. My obsession and worries over being alone were no longer an issue. I had learned that I don’t need someone else to complete me.

It had taken me a while, but  I realized God was enough. He was and is the ONLY one that truly complete me and fulfill me. I let go of my selfish desires and started seeking Him. No longer was I fearful of being alone.

Life is something to be lived, not isolated from.  Friends are close and abundant. Adventures are many.  Sometimes I have company on them, and sometimes I go alone, but I STILL go.

Today I am grateful for unanswered prayers. If God had listened to whiney, obsessive, clingy, needy me I don’t think my life would be as fulfilling. He knew exactly what I needed.

If love ever finds me, that’s great, but for now, I am FAR from loveless. I am loved by my family who is constant and steady. By friends, who are faithful, loyal, true, and adventure seekers like me. And by a great BIG God, who knows exactly what I need, just when I need it.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

 

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