Solitude. The word alone makes me feel…well…lonely.
Being an extrovert by nature, Solitude is a something that is difficult for me to deal with. I thrive on human interaction, being social, and having that connection with another person. During these quiet times, I struggle.
I struggle with the silence.
I struggle with the monotony that solitude brings.
I struggle with my own thoughts.
Having to spend time with my thoughts is the worst. This is when I find myself getting into all kinds of trouble. Don’t get me wrong…. I am a GREAT gal, and I’ll be honest, if I were someone else, I would totally want to hang out with me. 🙂
But sometimes….. well sometimes my thoughts are scary.
They are filled with fear.
They are filled with worry.
They are filled with self-doubt.
Back in January I was snowed in for three days straight. Yes, I live in the South. Yes, it was just a little tiny amount of snow. Yes, we panic when the first flake appears. Don’t judge. Anyhow, life in my town stopped. Traffic did not flow. The people did not go.
I was stuck.
By day two I was whiney and miserable. I am a creature of habit and was itching for some human interaction. The solitude was about to do me in. As I was doing my morning devotion I started to grumble…..
“God, I HATE this snow! I HATE being stuck here alone. The silence is too much.”
I began to worry….
I have to use my vacation and personal time at work. Will I waste all my days?
What if something happens and I can’t get out?
What if I lose power and I freeze?
What amount of work is going to be piled up on my desk when I get back?
In the middle of my gripe session, right there in black and white, perfectly displayed in my devotional, was the verse for the day:
“Be STILL and know that I am God……” Psalm 46:10
I had probably seen and read that verse 1000 times in my life time, but today I actually grasped meaning from it.
God, I hate being alone with my own thoughts. They just bring me frustration and worry.
“No, you just aren’t listening to the right thoughts. Read that verse again.”
It was then I understood. My moments of solitude were not a punishment or a curse, but rather a privilege. This was the time I could sit still and tune out the voices that clutter my head, and tune into the One who can silence them.
I still don’t like being alone. I don’t think I ever will. However, I don’t fear it like I used to. Those are the times I use to listen what God is saying and enjoying just being alone in His presence. It is through those periods of solitude and quiet that I have started actually living life, and finding out a little more about myself.
Silence can be scary, but it can also be humbling, exhilarating and lively. You just have to know what you’re listening for!