On My Own

Solitude. The word alone makes me feel…well…lonely.

Being an extrovert by nature, Solitude is a something that is difficult for me to deal with. I thrive on human interaction, being social, and having that connection with another person. During these quiet times, I struggle.

I struggle with the silence.
I struggle with the monotony that solitude brings.
I struggle with my own thoughts.

Having to spend time with my thoughts is the worst. This is when I find myself getting into all kinds of trouble. Don’t get me wrong…. I am a GREAT gal, and I’ll be honest, if I were someone else, I would totally want to hang out with me.  🙂

But sometimes….. well sometimes my thoughts are scary.

They are filled with fear.
They are filled with worry.
They are filled with self-doubt.

Back in January I was snowed in for three days straight. Yes, I live in the South. Yes, it was just a little tiny amount of snow. Yes, we panic when the first flake appears. Don’t judge.  Anyhow, life in my town stopped. Traffic did not flow. The people did not go.

I was stuck.

Alone.

By day two I was whiney and miserable. I am a creature of habit and was itching for some human interaction. The solitude was about to do me in. As I was doing my morning devotion I started to grumble…..

“God, I HATE this snow! I HATE being stuck here alone. The silence is too much.”

I began to worry….

I have to use my vacation and personal time at work. Will I waste all my days?
What if something happens and I can’t get out?
What if I lose power and I freeze?
What amount of work is going to be piled up on my desk when I get back?

In the middle of my gripe session, right there in black and white,  perfectly displayed in my devotional, was the verse for the day:

“Be STILL and know that I am God……” Psalm 46:10

I had probably seen and read that verse 1000 times in my life time, but today I actually grasped meaning from it.

God, I hate being alone with my own thoughts.  They just bring me frustration and worry.

“No, you just aren’t listening to the right thoughts. Read that verse again.”

It was then I understood. My moments of solitude were not a punishment or a curse, but rather a privilege. This was the time I could sit still and tune out the voices that clutter my head, and  tune into the One who can silence them.

I still don’t like being alone. I don’t think I ever will. However, I don’t fear it like I used to. Those are the times I use to listen what God is saying and enjoying just being alone in His presence.  It is through those periods of solitude and quiet that I have started actually living life, and finding out a little more about myself.

Silence can be scary, but it can also be humbling, exhilarating and lively. You just have to know what you’re listening for!

solitude

Daily Prompt

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “On My Own

  1. just remember, Jess, you are NEVER alone. There may not be people surrounding you but the arms of god are there holding you. Just pay attention and solitude will become grace. pay attention!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: NaPoWriMo – Day 28 – “What Could Be So Important?” by David Ellis | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s