Overcoming Myself

“Life’s not fair kido.”

I wish I had a dollar for each and every time I heard my mother say this to me. If  I did I would totally be laid up in a cabin up top of some remote mountain.

My mother repeatedly relayed that message to me so I would always know… Life is hard. It may look easy to some people, but the reality is…everyone struggles at some point or another.  What makes the difference is how we handle  Obstacles when they appear.

I would like to say this message stuck and I never once waivered, but… well… that would be a total lie. Especially since most of the time… the obstacle is me.

The whole purpose of me starting my Blog was to help me tackle the obstacle of myself. While a vivacious, and totally adorable, social being who has ZERO problems talking and instigating good conversation, I can NEVER convey my emotions in speech. Writing allows me to express myself in a way that is powerful and freeing.

My whole life I have been a quitter. If I couldn’t master something quickly, it was too hard, or too much effort, I quit. While I know my family loves me no matter what, their disappoint me was always clear as I dramatically “quit” something…..again.

The list is long….

Playing the flute
Knitting
Scrapbooking
Relationships
Sports
School

All things I quit.

Writing has always been something I was good at. REALLY good at. People would read my words and I would feel good. After years and years of prodding from friends and family I finally decided to start my Blog last year. Writing my first Blog entry was like medicine. I felt complete.  It was and still is, my favorite piece I have ever written.  Here it is if you haven’t read it yet.  A Full Place Setting

Seriously… go read it.  🙂

The response was overwhelming.  I was a hit.

“Man, I’m WAY awesome” I thought to myself. If you have read my Blog for any length of time then you know when I make one of those “I’m AWESOME comments, that means my pride is about to be handed to me on a paper plate.

The next 5 posts I wrote I am not sure anyone read but my mom and the 6 people I shamed into reading them.  Here I thought I was actually doing something worth while and something THEY encouraged me to do, and it is was for nothing.

QUIT.

That was first instinct.

Quit and move on. Why not? That’s what I do.

There were several thing I was on the verge of quitting when I just happened to be reading my bible in January. I came across a passage in Micah and since that day my life has not been the same.

Gulp.

I quickly learned what my problem was. I had made EVERYTHING about me. Now if you spend any amount of time with me, you will quickly discover it is ALWAYS about me. Not in an annoying way, but  cute little redheaded girl way.  🙂 No wonder I was quitting. I was attempting everything with my OWN ability. Not once did I say, “God, what can YOU do THROUGH me?”

Do you know how hard that is when you have been so used to quitting EVERYTHING?

EXCRUSTIATING

I pressed on even though I didn’t want to. I kept writing even if no one read my words but my mother and God.  The ball was totally in God’s court. What could HE do if I didn’t give up.

Friend I am here to tell you that my life has forever been changed. In the past 5 months I have accomplished more then I have in my 41 years.

AND IT FEELS GOOD!

My blog is nothing major, but I have followers… 90% of which are total strangers. I have met some of the most fascinating fellow bloggers whom, while I have never met, seem like dear friends I could go and have coffee and donuts with (ONLY if they are Krispy Kreme glazed that is). You have encouraged me in my writing and have hitched along for this journey I am on. Whether we share the same beliefs or not, I know God placed each of you in my path to help me stay the course.

I have SO MUCH more to learn, and I still want to quit most days, but I know doing so will be saying to God, “You aren’t strong enough to help me do this.” 

Life isn’t fair. Sometimes there are going to be difficulties. Sometimes things are going to be frustrating. Sometimes there are going to be obstacles laying in my path. Left to our own abilities we are going to fail, stumble, and quit. Difficulties, frustrations, and obstacles don’t have to be the end of the journey…..They CAN be overcome.

Even if the obstacle is yourself.

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4 thoughts on “Overcoming Myself

  1. Most of us, as humans, need to overcome ourselves in one way or another. I’m glad that you have found writing to be so enjoyable and freeing. I feel the same way, even with the obstacles I wrote about. I can’t imagine ever quitting this, it’s been such good therapy for me. Excellent post, Jess.

    Liked by 1 person

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