Lists make me happy. Being able to check items off a To Do list each and every day actually makes me giddy. However, from time to time something is going to happen that is NOT on “The List”. When I am thrown this Curve I become frustrated and anxious…. sorta like a fish out of water.
Each Sunday evening I make a list for the week. I know what I will wear, what I will eat, where all I will be going etc… Family and friends know that by 5pm on Sunday evening they need to let me know if they need to be added on “The List”. Ok… so I know you are wondering… How can such a scatter brained, spastic, extrovert be so strict with a schedule? I don’t know… it is just part of my charm I guess.
Once I discovered teaching, I thought that would be my life until I retired. Teaching was who I was. It made me feel alive, and by golly, I was awesome at it. Watching a new group of 5 year olds blossom in their first year of school was, and still is, one of the most rewarding experiences.
After 15 years, I walked out of the classroom. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who I was. I had been thrown a HUGE curve.
The choice to walk away was difficult and shocked everyone. But it was something I felt I had to do.
For the first time… I was lost. I had no list. I had not Plan B.
I feel into a deep dark depression, shutting out friends, family, and anyone else who loved me. Each and every day was a struggle. Without my Plan, without my list, who was I? What was I?
Panic set in.
“I’m scared!” I cried out to God.
“Don’t panic. I am with you. There is no need to fear, for I am Your God and I will give you strength. I’ll help you. I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I am NOT letting go.” Isaiah 41:10,13
“I just want to know what is going to happen to me!!. This was NOT on the list!”
“Trust me… Not your list. Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21
That was hard…. I wanted to be in control. I didn’t want to go with Plan B. Plan A was working just fine… ok… so not really, but it was all I knew.
Slowly I learned to let go. Painfully, I learned that just because Plan A falls apart, doesn’t mean that Plan B is all that bad….in fact, it just might be as wonderful.
In the three years since, I have become more flexible… well…just a little. 🙂 I have discovered beauty in the unknown and learned to not be so stuck on my “list”. People have come into my life that I would have NEVER met if I had stuck with Plan A. I have accomplished things I never imagined and learned I’m not as stuck as I thought. Discovering Plan B has been like a roller coaster ride…. kind of scary, but full of excitement.
Life is going to throw us some curves every now and then. Plans are going to be re-routed and sometimes abandoned all together. We look down in frustration or worry and wonder how will be ever move on, or we can look up in anticipation and say…..
Bring on Plan B!