Stronger Than Me

I am not the easiest person to love. I am moody, irrational, emotional, selfish, lazy, unmotivated, needy, yet stand-offish. I keep things bottled up, am forgetful, and often have a hard time expressing my true feelings.

Yet through each and every one of my downfalls stands a woman so tall, so compassionate, so strong, so brave. She never doubts me. She NEVER fails me. And even though I am so UNDESERVING, she loves me unconditionally.

My needs, desires, and selfish wants are always put before her own. Never once have I heard her complain, whine, grumble or moan about ANYTHING life has thrown at her.

When I am falling apart, she is rock solid.
When I fail, she dusts me off and says, “try again.”
When I succeed she is the loudest one at the victory rally.
When I am afraid, she is my protector.
When I am anxious she is my calm.
Long before I was ever conceived, God had a plan. He knew the hot, irrational, fiery mess I was going to be and he knew it was going to take a VERY special, strong, independent, and BOLD woman to raise me. So he created Margaret.  He knew that she was just the one that He could trust me with. She was what I needed.

From the time I drew my first breath on January 25, 1975 until this very moment there is one thing I have ALWAYS felt…LOVE. I am pretty sure it was love at first sight for both of us. I needed her, and I like to think somehow… she needed me.

MOM

Life has not been easy. My father abandoned us not long after my sister was born 3 and half years after me. Mom struggled to keep us fed, clothed, and happy. However, my sister and I never felt that struggle. Being the strong woman she is, she kept us protected and sheltered. She worked her fingers to the bone to provide for us and to make sure we not only had what we needed, but a little extra as well.

Being a single, hard working mom, with two active and ambitious daughters had to be exhausting. But through it all my mother NEVER missed a school meeting, a dance recital, a ballgame, a concert, a debate trip, an awards banquet or any other milestone or event my sister and I participated in. How did she do that? How could she always be there for us, and still do all her adult duties?

I am convinced she is an agent from God. An angel sent to earth to watch over and guide me. She never seemed tired, flustered, panicked, anxious, concerned, or stressed. She was and continues to be the pillar of strength. That is NOT humanly possible. That can only come from above.

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Throughout my 41 years I have given her so many reasons to bail. I have been ungrateful, uncooperative, selfish, irrational, bitter, stand-offish, clingy, emotional, and at times a disappointment. There are nights she has not slept out of worry or frustration over something I have done or was going to do. And there have been times I have messed up so horribly, I am sure she cried out to God, “What were you thinking giving me this kid?!?!?!”

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So on this Mother’s Day, I want to say thank you Mom. Thank you for being my constant. Never once have I been in your presence and not felt your love. I can feel it even when I am not with you. Thank you for all the sacrifices you have made for me. For all the time and money you have invested in me. For always believing in me, especially when I don’t believe in myself. For NEVER abandoning me, and for ALWAYS being stronger than I am.

I Love YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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