Most of the time I am a pretty upbeat, light-hearted, full of life and optimistic gal, However, there are those days and times that life just gets so hard, and frustrating, that I want to hangout on my sofa all day wearing, the same leggings and t-shirt I have been wearing the past 3 days, watching t.v. and chilling with Little Debbie.
Sure, I write about all the cheery and exciting things going on in my life right now, and there are a lot of good things. BUT…there are also those days when I feel beaten down, weary, and frustrated, and I don’t want to be cheery.
Today is one of those days.
I feel if I am going to be an effective Blogger, I need to share the ugly along with the beauty. That is what makes us real. Life is not always sunshine and blue skies. Sometimes we have to endure the clouds and the rain.
There is nothing really wrong….I just feel Blah. I have let the worry, doubt, and craziness of life take over my thinking and it has caused me to be a little blue. My mind starts to wander, and my spirit starts to drown.
Sometimes I feel worthless….an absolute waste of space. I feel like I am just merely exiting and barley getting through the day. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I feel forgotten about, left out, over looked, and invisible. There are days I want to shout, “HELLO! Do you even see me????” Even as loud and extroverted as I am, I still get a little insecure with myself.
Money never seems to last, but my expenses are forever lingering around. No matter what I do, how hard I try, how much I save, I can’t catch a break. While I am so thankful and blessed with my job and always having what I need, I would love a few months of not having to worry.
Sometimes I worry if I am foolish for going after my dreams. I see others who are so much better qualified, and who are way stronger then I am and I get discouraged. It takes me twice the amount of time to accomplish what they do. My huge victories are just normal days to them. I compare myself to them and I NEVER measure up. This leaves me questioning everything I am doing.
Yesterday I sat around all afternoon. Cocooning myself in my fears, worries, and doubts. I cried and I argued with God,
WHY ME? Why can’t I ever just catch a freaking break?”
My performance was pretty dramatic, and I can guarantee that Sally Field’s performance in Sybil was nothing compared to how I acted. We are talking ugly tears, snot, rage, tossed furniture….nothing was safe. I am sure my neighbors were absolutely terrified and confused.
While I am struggling now, I know I don’t have to stay here stuck in my worry and self pity. I am SO thankful that I have a powerful, loving, understanding, NEVER failing God who loves me and reaches in to pull me out despite my constant 2 year old hissy fits.
Life can sometimes reach out and bite me in the rump and knock me down. However, how I chose to respond makes all the difference.
Do I stay in the pit and drown in my sorrow, or do I hold up my hands, and surrender to the only one who can save me?
Sometimes I stay in the pit longer than I should. It can get comfortable there. It’s easy to whine and grip and complain about all that is going wrong. Climbing out of the pit is hard and messy. Who wants or needs that??????
But thankfully, I always come to my senses and throw my hands up, looking for help to begin the climb out. It is during these times I learn the most.
I learn that I am weak on my own…. my strength will never be enough.
I learn that no matter how wonderful things are going….there are always going to be rough times.
I learn that God is always there…. ready to pull me out…. I just have to ask.
And I learn that each and every dark period is temporary. While it may seem to last forever, I always make it through.
Maybe you are going through a tough time right now. Perhaps life is just hard. REAL hard, and you feel like everything is caving in around you pushing you further and further into the pit.
You are not alone. And this is not all there is. Hold tight to what you already know….sometimes life is just daily…. we’ll get through it. I promise. Reach up, help is just right outside the pit.