Towards The Sunshine

Sad. I feel incredibly sad.

Most days I can face the stresses  and anxieties of the day ahead with a firm and steadfast resolve. I wake up with a You can try, but You’ll never knock me down attitude, and I am ready to battle the day ahead.

And then, there are days like today. Days where I Muse over the events transpiring around me, and I want to retreat into the dark spaces of my own mind. Days where humor and even Little Debbie can’t make me feel better.

Sometimes my thoughts are just too complicated.

Yesterday I lost a dear friend. He was only 45 years old and was so full of life when I saw him last 3 and half months ago. Then, right after our last meeting he got diagnosed with esophageal cancer in May.

Now…he is gone.

Much too soon.

I have always known Chris was special. His personality was almost as big as ego. If you met him once, you were an instant friend of his. He would give you some silly nick name and from here on out…that is what he would call you.  In all my years of knowing Chris I am not sure he ever used my actual name of Jessica. To him I was either Jess or just Red.

Chris was the first boy my mother ever let me ride in a car with by myself. He was 3 and half years older then me, but he had the trust of every mother and father in town. He was just that honorable of a guy.  Not long after my 16th birthday I had my one and ONLY date with Chris.  Things did not go as planned and let’s just say the evening ended early with our Youth minster and his family driving us home. (That is a whole other story I will share soon.)

Chris was the big brother I never had. All through my teenage years and up into adulthood, he was always there with a listening ear and TONS of advice.  If you needed him.. he was usually there before you knew you did need him.  When my hopes were shattered or my heart was broken, he was always there to help keep me from sinking.

He was just special.

But it wasn’t until yesterday, when news of his death was announced that I realized just how special he truly was.  And that is what has got me to thinking….hard.

The legacy Chris has left behind is one of the sweetest kind.

He invested in people.

He never met a stranger. He could talk with a person for 5 minutes and instantly know all about them and most importantly who they rooted for come basketball season. 🙂 Chris firmly believed God had put him on this earth to love all people and he lived it.

45 years. That is all the time he had, but not one moment was wasted. Even when he went through some of the darkest days, and trust me there were some DARK days, Chris prevailed.

Would the same be said for me? How much time have I wasted…worried, concerned over foolish things, too lazy to keep up and help someone.

What would my legacy be?

Chris knew one important thing.  Who and what he was working for.

Chris had a light in him that never went dark.


He loved God so much, and in turn he reflected that love onto his fellow man. He knew that darkness could not last forever and that at some point the sun would have to shine. So that is how he lived… always walking towards the Sun.

And the Son.

Thank you dear friend for being a light in dark world. Those of us who loved you and were loved by you are so blessed to have had you for the short time we were given with you. You taught us how to be a friend, and most importantly a light.

I’ll think of you every time I see and feel the Sun.


11 thoughts on “Towards The Sunshine

  1. I am so sorry to read of your loss…it’s incredibly hard to understand why these thongs happen…your words are a beautiful tribute to your friend and I hope that you find some comfort when you read back over what you have written…the words that speak from your heart…

    Liked by 1 person

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