My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
These were the words I heard as I started my car this morning to head to work. I knew the song well, even though it had been a while since I had heard it. As I entered my car, there was no better way to describe me then by these words…
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
It seems no matter how hard I try, how much I give, it’s never good enough.
I’M never good enough.
I’m the disappointment
I am the screw up.
I am the slacker.
I am the odd one in the family.
It seems I always arrive a day late and a dollar short.
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
There are so many days I attempt to do things on my own. I want to be strong and prove that I AM worthy, but the struggle is too much and my strength is depleted in the effort as one issue gets resolved another five arise. Life just keeps coming at me…and no matter what I do….I can’ t seem to keep up.
Sometimes I feel like I am always the one who is in need of rescuing. I start the day with the best of intentions and…..
If I had just said this…..
If I were just as smart as my sister….
If I had kept my mouth shut instead of go on a rant…..
If I had only planned better.
If I was only….not just a mess.
I know what I NEED to do…but shame, fear, and the weight of my struggles keep me from doing it…..
And I know that you can give me rest
There is only One who with just the sound of His voice can calm the storms that are raging inside of me. But I have had to call out so much, my voice is weak and ineffective. Why would He rescue me again….I’m too tired to keep trying.
But…..cry out I must.
So I cry out with all that I have left…….
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I’m worn
I need to know that somehow, it is all worth it. Can God even use a torn, battered, worn out, broken life like mine? Can He take all my mistakes, screw-ups, disappointments, hurts, and failures and somehow make something beautiful out of them?
And my prayers are wearing thin
I’m worn even before the day begins
I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes
I cry with everything I have….HELP me! Let me know that I am still Yours. Remind me that where I see ugly and humiliation, you see Beauty and redemption.
And through my tears… my hurt…. my weariness… I hear that steady, and clear voice….
“Come to me….All of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens….and I will give you REST.”
No matter what I do, how many times I fail, or how horrible I think I am, help is always there. Do you know absolutely amazing it is to have the assurance that there IS something bigger then me. Someone more powerful, more resilient then myself. That when I can’t carry on….He is there.
The storms around me are constantly raging….
And while they can wear me down, I know the one can calm the sea.
How reassuring to know that though I am worn I am not defeated.
Yes all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though I’m worn