Sometimes, real life sucks, so I daydream. My life is so much more interesting and fulfilling in those fantasies then they are in reality. For example, Yesterday at the Doctor’s office, the nurse wanted to know my weight, my response was, “Do you want my real weight, or the Mythical weight I have convinced myself I am?” Thankfully, she let me enter my mythical weight.
Surely I am not the only one who, in their head, has a far more entertaining life then they do in reality???? We mean well, and aren’t really trying to be deceptive, but sometimes it is just way easier to fill my head with nonsense, than it is to live out the truth.
How many New Years have you began with, “This is the year I get fit!”????? Come on…be honest. If you’re like me the answer is too many to count. We don’t set out to be lazy slugs, but as long as we keep telling ourselves, “This is the year!” that somehow gives us hope that maybe this will actually be THE year.
Sometimes, I like to think I am in deep relationships with people I have actually only spoken to a couple of times. Perhaps we meet in passing, and maybe speak 15 words to each other, but in my mind…we are bound by friendship. Recently I met a nice gentlemen while out hiking. We shared some pleasantries and then both moved on. A few weeks later I run into him again, this time with a couple of my friends. He is a rather handsome gentleman, so my friends were doing the typical swooning, when I suddenly blurted out, “We are really good friends!” My gal pals could not believe I knew such a fine specimen and had not introduced them yet. So being the classy friend I am…I went up to him. The exchange went down like this…….
“Hey you! How have you been?” (I had ZERO clue of what his name was)
****Blank stare from Mr. Hottie *****
“Did you ever make it off the mountain that day?”
****Continued Blank stare from Mr. Hottie*****
“These are my friends, we just thought we would say hello.”
****Mr. Hottie gives polite “HEY” and moves on like he had just been attacked by an obsessed fan.
I am guessing I am not on his Christmas card list this year.
For years I have also convinced myself that I am expert therapist. You know… like Dr. Phil…. only cuter. Just like the great American songster, Vanilla Ice,
Last evening a friend and I solved our countries problems via comments on a Facebook post. Pretty legit right? I am emotional and irrational, so any solution I give will either put you in jail or the hospital. Don’t listen to me.
Just kidding… listen to me. It really makes me feel good.
Probably my biggest delusion is that I am in a relationship with a fictional character and an NFL star.
It’s true… inside my warped mind Jamie Fraser from the Outlander series, and Clay Matthews, linebacker for the Green Bay Packer, gallantly fight for my affections each and every evening.
I just can’t choose….. who do I love more????? I know, I KNOW…. both have adoring wives and children, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a claim on them does it???? Even just a little? Trust me… both fake weddings were absolutely GORGEOUS!
Have I gone too far?
Well now you know the real me. A 41 year old who lies about her weight, is in denial about joining the gym, thinks she’s friends with everyone and that she’s a therapist, and is fake married to two beautiful hunks of man.
I think I’ll return to my fantasy world now…. it is much more exciting.