I am a murderer. Of flowers and plants that is.
For whatever reason, when I was born, the part of your brain that has the capacity to take care of living things such as flowers, plants, and other blooming items, was completely left out of me. But I have tried.
For some reason, I tend to do most of my watering AFTER said plant has died. Perhaps it is because I believe that water is life, or I think I can save the world, or I am just in denial.
The idea of living and prospering plants is a total foreign Territory to me.
I constantly waste time watering the dead plant…thinking that perhaps if I am persistent enough with the watering, a miracle will happen, and I will break the death cycle.
Sadly, this spills over into my everyday life choices as well. Time and time again, I make a mistake, a bad decision, take a wrong turn, and I fall. When after getting back on track, I hit the road on my way to success, only to crash again later by doing the EXACT same thing that caused me to stumble last time.
See? Watering a dead plant.
One would think that after each and every failure, I would figure out that I am trying to bring life back to something WITHOUT a pulse. Maybe it is stubbornness, arrogance, or just plain stupidity, but I repeatedly keep doing the same thing over and over.
And I never learn.
Back when I was younger, I could blame my mistakes on youthful ignorance, but today at the ripe ole age of 42, that just don’t cut it anymore.
Anyone else have this issue?
Lately it has become a huge frustration and sense of discouragement in my life. Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over again? Why do I keep failing the same way? Why, when I do fail, do I not learn from my mistake, and move forward?
“Am I beyond help? Am I past the point of EVER learning how to live successfully? Will I ever NOT be a screw up?”
These were the questions plaguing my mind this morning as I sat down for my daily devotion. Nothing was particularly wrong, but I was feeling WAY down on myself. I see others my age who seem to have it all together. While I know that not one of us is without problems, some people are just brilliant at making their lives look flawless.
As usual, I listen to some music as I spend time alone with my Creator. This mornings selection happened to be an older song from one of my favorite groups, Tenth Avenue North. As the words of the chorus started sounding through my ears, it was like I was listening to the song for the very first time.
You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.
Suddenly, it seemed that the words were being sung directly to me, ABOUT me.
If you are anything like me, we base our worth on how well we perform in this life…how well we succeed. When we fail, make mistakes, and stumble, especially repeated times, it gets harder and harder to stand up.
“Again????? When will I EVER learn? Why am I such a failure at life? Why can’t I get ahead? What is wrong with me God? “
Today, while in the midst of my sadness, torment and grief, an answer…….
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.
Just like that, I knew what my problem was. I knew exactly why I keep watering dead plants.
I spend all my time focusing on ME, and what I am doing, and no time on the One who looks past those failures, mistakes, and brokenness, and sees the One He loves. A life He loves so much in fact, that He was willing to die for me.
When Christ died for me, He took upon Himself each and every one of my stupid mistakes, failures, and wrong turns. Because of His amazing sacrifice, I am not what I do. I am forgiven. I am new.
So, yes, I make mistakes. Sometimes the same ones over and over. And yes, sometimes I am spending a great deal of my time watering dead plants. But I am not defined by my mistakes, my failures, or my past.
My worth is found upon a wooden cross, where someone, despite my wasteful task of continually watering dead plants, chose to die for me. He saw past the mistakes, the failures, and my stubborn attitude and saw something worth saving.
While I know I am not going to completely change who I am overnight, and I know that my life is full of wilting and suffering plants, I no longer chose to base my worth on that. I am more.
It is finally time to stop watering dead plants.