The Depths of Despair

“I am in the depths of despair!”

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Those words repeatedly uttered by my favorite literary character, Anne Shirley, have pretty much been my mantra since the age of 8 when, I was first introduced to the series of Books by L.M. Montgomery.  The Anne of Green Gables series has been a staple in my life ever since.

I own the books.

I own the movies.

Perhaps it is the fact that Anne has red hair. Perhaps it is the fact that she is involved, in the most perfect literary romance of all time (I mean come on, who doesn’t want their own Gilbert Blythe), or perhaps it is the fact she lives in the most beautiful place, Prince Edward Island.

But I think the real reason I feel a connection with Anne is our common flair for all things over dramatic.

Yes, dear friend, the adorable, lovable, always strong person whom you have come to know and adore, is a drama queen.

BIG time.

I can take ANY situation and make it seem so…..Final. So done.

Chick-fil-a stopped selling brownies…..we are all doomed!
Downton Abbey came to an end…..Life cannot go on!
Adam Levine married a super model and NOT me…..How will I ever be able to get of bed????
My friends went without me…they must hate me.
I can’t buy that new backpack I want…. God must be punishing me.
I think you get the picture.

When things don’t go the way I plan, or how I think they should…. I fall apart, shut down, and turn into a HUGE cry baby.

Sometimes I realize the silliness in my dramatics and I come out of my whiny funk quickly, but sometimes I wallow……….

For days. Weeks.  Months.

Now, I don’t go looking at life through rose colored glasses, but sometimes I can’t understand why things just can’t go my way.  I am an, honest, hardworking, tax paying, God fearing, mama loving, American supporting, never break the law, good girl.

I’m entitled right?

Go ahead, Laugh.  It’s okay.  I’ll give you a minute……

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Struggles, disappointments, and hiccups are all apart of life, but sometimes, I feel like I have more then my fair share.  Just once I would like to get up in the morning, have my hair look good, my clothes fit, my commute to work traffic free, the barista at Dunkin quick, and my bank account in the black. Is that too much to ask?

This week began with such promise, but from Monday on…. it only went down hill.  My favorite summer shoes finally gave out, I let my cast iron skillet get rusty, someone messed with my bank account (yet again), and my Achilles tendon injury re-flared out of no where.

Needless to say, this morning all I wanted to do was sit and stew in my own self pity.

Why me?  Why not the lady who cut me off on the interstate the other morning? Why not the cashier at the Grocery store who was so rude and hateful when I asked for my bananas to be bagged separate from the other items? Why not my annoying neighbor who always lets her dogs run lose throughout the neighborhood?

I awoke this morning, bitter and angry.  “Will you EVER cut me a break?” I barked at God as I climbed down my stairs this morning only to find that, of course, I am out of coffee! Why does my life have to be so hard????????

As I sat and drank a cup of hot tea, which is NOT the same as coffee, I popped in my Anne of Green Gables DVD.  Somehow, losing myself in the life of Anne Shirley always seems to help. Of course my DVD player is acting funny, and started the movie in the middle, and not the beginning.

Perfect!

The place it picked up is where Anne is walking with her teacher Miss  Stacey after school one day.  Anne is complaining about the unfairness of life, and how she doesn’t understand how to cope.  What happens next was something I needed to hear. Miss Stacey, ever wise and true, reminds Anne, that the trials and obstacles we encounter in life help build our character and make us stronger. We need them to learn and that each day is a new beginning.  Fresh. With no mistakes in it….YET.

What I fail to realize is that we ALL struggle.  We all have those things that pop up in life that just, well, SUCK.  People will try to hurt me. Things won’t always go my way. I will make stupid painful mistakes. And sometimes, I am going to be left out.

But I need those times.  Without them, I would not be strong. I would not realize what true goodness is, and I would not learn how to keep moving and climbing out of my pit I am in.

Yes, right now things stink.  My foot hurts and I can’t do what I want to do.  Yes, I am flat broke, and can’t live the lifestyle I would like. Yes, I feel a little forgotten, lonely, and neglected.  And yes, I feel a little like I am in the depths of despair.

But I know that with time my foot will feel better.  I know my needs are met and I am not without. I know despite my feelings, I am loved and cared about. And I know that despite EVERYTHING I am going through, life is absolutely AMAZING.

There are always going to be bumps in the road. There are always going to be thing that happen that I think are unfair. There are always going to be people who don’t like you and want to see you fail. There are sometimes going to be days that everything just sucks.

But there is always tomorrow.

Tomorrow is perfect.

Tomorrow has fresh possibilities.

Tomorrow there is hope.

So today, I chose to climb out of my depths of despair.  I will get through this day, and place my head on my pillow tonight, knowing that tomorrow is waiting.

Fresh. With no mistakes in it. Yet.

“As for me, I will ALWAYS have hope”  Psalms 71:14

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6 thoughts on “The Depths of Despair

  1. My Achilles’ tendons are killing me too. They flared up the day before I started my first job in ACTIVITIES! I had to try to walk as normal as possible, because I didn’t want them to think I was a hypochondriac on my first day. I ran out of coffee to add salt to the injury. I constantly call my parents complaining or crying about something, and I just turned forty. I relate to you. I want you to know this. I like that you talk about the good, and bad days. I like how you explain what you’ve gotten out of both spiritually. I mean you’re a breath of fresh air to read!

    P.s I’m hoping in my last comment I didn’t offend you.

    Liked by 1 person

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