Inquire Within

Do you know what drives an extrovert absolutely batty?

SILENCE.

We hate it.

Or I do anyway.

For someone who thrives on chaos, noise, and lots of human interaction, silence is excruciatingly painful. Something about it feels awkward and unnatural.

I thrive on Chaos! The crazier and more noise there is… the more comfortable I am. Once everything around me goes silent….. I panic. I mean… REALLY panic.

I used to hate it in school when we had to play the “Quiet game” You know, where you sit as still as you possibly can with that stupid silly look on your face, itching to move and talk! It was and STILL is  HARD!

Being  Pensive is something I have struggled with my whole life. Spending time in silence in self reflection feels weird….and creepy. Most of the time I found myself talking my head, making list….

Don’t forget to wash underwear
Should I get iced or hot coffee at Dunkin today?
Could I pull off that blue shirt with those black pants?
Did I remember to pay my light bill?

However, in the past decade, I have had to adapt to more and more moments of pensive silence. The first night I slept in my new home…without a roommate…I stayed up most of the night… staring at the ceiling….talking to the cracks and ridges.  This blows.

Gradually I started using that time to reflect more and more about my day. Instead of talking to the ceiling, I found myself talking more to God.

“I hate being alone”

“You need more silence in your life.”

“Why? Silence is so….silent?”

“Maybe you can learn through the stillness and the silence.”

“Umm… Learn WHAT?”

“Be still and know I am God.”

“Well, I already know that… duh?”

“But do you REALLY know me?”

So I took this as a challenge. Maybe I did need to be more pensive and spend more time in self reflection…..MAYBE…

As always, the Almighty was right. The more time I spent being quiet, the more I could hear. I could hear myself speak of hurts, pressures, worries, joys, dreams, goals, and 1000 other things. But most importantly, I could hear Him when He spoke.  I heard how He had plans for me, He loved me with a NEVER ending love, and how He believed in me.

I still struggle…. DAILY… with being quiet. Sometimes I have to tape my mouth shut, but I ALWAYS come out feeling refreshed and renewed each and every time I do.

 Maybe this quiet stuff ain’t so bad after all.

Daily Prompt